I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
