No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
