It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
