Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
