is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
