There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
