someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
