tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
