how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
