i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize