I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
