Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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