3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
