he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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