Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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