Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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