I puked a lego.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drunk is not a location!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
