p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
