Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
