Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize