I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize