there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize