How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
