I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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