He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
