i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Buhtt sex?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
