worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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