Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
