After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
