and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
