Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
