Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
