Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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