If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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