I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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