do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
