The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
