Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
