Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
