fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
