I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
