your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
