We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
