Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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