We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
