Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
