no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
