I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
