nut hugger
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize