you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
