when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
