Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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