Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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