Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize