You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
