I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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