i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
