As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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