Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
