the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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