also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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