It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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