I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
