Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize