A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this boner is exhausting
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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