If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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