My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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